I am loving Will Smith right now. He broaches topics I never think of myself and then when I listen to his words it all just clicks. I cannot agree more with everything that comes out of that man's mouth. He is just so inspirational I actually get emotional listening to him. Now you have probably seen his video about how he was speaking with his wife Jada, and they agreed that it is not their responsibility to make each other happy. In fact, it is impossible to make someone happy. I wanted to delve into it deeper and share my take on this ideal.
Our Happiness is Our Responsibility
You can make someone laugh or smile or bring joy to their day, but you cannot force someone to be happy. If someone doesn't vibe with you, then no matter how many times you make them laugh or treat them, they won't be truly happy with you. Happiness is homegrown. You choose to be happy yourself. Now obviously we are talking outside the parameters of mental illness here but it is so true. We are responsible for creating a life that fills us up with contentment and should not be seeking it from our other half.
Of course, a relationship is a huge part of our lives but it's not the only thing. So if you are expecting your happiness to derive from just this one space you are going to be deeply unsatisfied and this could ultimately have such a negative impact on your relationship. We have careers, hobbies, friends, passions, and nature to help fill us up. We should be extracting happiness with our life as a whole and then presenting that to our partners to share.
We Cannot Blame Anyone Else for Our Unhappiness
Will Smith's video made me realize that if we are not happy, it is not our partner's doing. In fact, it is nothing to do with them. We must go out and seek happiness, create happiness and harness happiness. We have to fulfill our own lives. If we fail to do this, then we are responsible for our own sorrow. We cannot lie this blame anywhere else but within our own hands.
We choose what we do with our lives, we choose who we spend time with, what career path we go down or what passions we work on. If you are not making good choices in any of these areas and that is ultimately making you unhappy, why should that blame be put on anyone else? We can change our circumstances any time, so you just have to do it. Even if you have to take time out for yourself and start looking for something to make you content. At least once you have found this you can then give that all into your relationship.
Do Not Demand Happiness from Your Relationship
He mentioned that we cannot demand someone to make us happy, it is unfair. At the end of the day if we are not happy with ourselves, no matter what our partner does we will not feel like it is good enough. This can cause relationships to crumble if we are not careful. We should not seek happiness from our relationships, we need to feed our relationships with happiness.
So get out the mentality that you need to take something from this relationship and start realizing that you need to feed these good vibes into your relationship. As long as you both are constantly giving to your relationship and not just worrying about what you can get from it you will never be made to feel like you are lacking.
Just imagine the kind of relationship you could build if you were both at your highest point of contentment. Imagine how much you could both bring to your relationship and how much you will thrive together. It makes me feel so excited to know that if we keep achieving our goals and finding our purpose we will all one day be in just the most beautiful space in our relationships.
Start Working On Your Happiness
So get out there, start working towards your dreams. Start doing the things you have always wanted to do. Let go of the things that are making you unhappy. Once you have built this life where joy just spills over inside you, take this into your relationship and use this as a foundation to build an even more wonderful life together.
If you hate your job, look for a new one or build a career yourself. That is what I am doing now with this job. I have a dream of what I want my life to look like, I could just leave it as a dream and never take any action. Or I could work my ass off and reep the rewards further down the line.
If you feel bored and unfulfilled, start a new hobby. Don't know what you want to do? Try something, anything. Keep trying new things until you find your calling. At least, you will meet new people and have a laugh and at best you will find something that truly makes you excited each day. So just get out there and start putting together these building blocks to build this happiness.
It Will Ease The Pressure
Living with this mindset within your relationship is going to really ease the pressure. You should no longer feel like you have a job to make your partner happy and have that worry that you might fail. Like I said before you won't feel lacking because you will stop looking to benefit from your relationship but in fact, you will emit this happiness into your relationship which will then bounce back magnified.
I think that could be why a lot of relationships fail. In the beginning, it is exciting, we are giving so much into the relationship because we are full of lust. But when that lust dies down we can get comfortable. We stop giving into our relationship but we still expect to get something out of it. But if both of us are feeling this way there will be nothing to take and we will get frustrated with each other and eventually resent each other. Don't let your relationship get to this stage, please. We need to nurture our relationships. Work on it and you will not regret it.
How I Will Be Taking This Ideal Forward in my Relationship
I can't tell you how much I resonate with this. I have gotten so fired up writing about it I can't tell you. I am looking so deeply at my relationship because of this. Luckily I have an incredible relationship with my fiance already but I just can't wait to use this every day for the rest of our lives to build a foundation of happiness in which we can thrive off of. I won't ever make him feel guilty for not making me happy enough if I am having a bad day, that is on me. I won't make him feel like he is not offering enough because I shouldn't be looking to gain. The only thing I will be focusing on is the emotions that I am putting into the relationship and because I am on a journey of building a fulfilling life I have no doubt that our relationship will be bursting at the seams with joy.
So, working from all of this, where are you going to start looking for your happiness to bring to your relationship?