How To Find Connection When You Don't Have Friends
If, like me, you consider yourself to be a bit of a loner or you do have friends but they just don’t seem to get you on that deeper level then you may be craving some connection with others. That connection that allows you to be vulnerable and share your dreams and weaknesses. Here is how you can find that connection.
If you are new around here, in 2014 I hit a rock bottom. I was suffering from depression and social anxiety. I lost almost all of my friends because I just couldn’t reach out or even leave my flat for a good few months. I have never been open about my struggles; my parents are still unaware of what I went through. As well as being prescribed anti-depressants I knew that I needed to work on myself to get out of the fog. I knew myself well and knew that this was how I would build myself back up again. But along with this I knew I needed to find others that could help lift me up.
But I felt like I didn’t have that tribe of people I should have had.
I started creating a dialogue about my struggles in other ways, here they are:
I want to stress that this was my journey and if you are struggling with depression or any other mental health issue then please seek professional help and talk to someone.
When I first started to decide to turn my life around I watched a Marissa Lace video on Youtube (btw she is an amazing person to follow if you need help with self-love) where she shared books that she has read that helped change her life - watch it here. I decided there and then that I would buy every single one of those books and I did.
And this is the pivotel moment that I began to feel better. I can’t tell you how much those books (and Marissa Lace) saved me. These books inspired me to be more spiritual and helped me understand what was going on in my head.
The one that made the most impact is the Melissa Ambrosini book - Mastering Your Mean Girl. (Buy it here) She talks about how everything we do in life is either because of fear or because of love. The main theme of the book is how we all have that inner critic that she likes to call your mean girl. This opened my mind to how I can challenge this voice and make a difference to my wellbeing and life as a whole.
The more self-help books I read the more self aware I was becoming, it opened me up to so many unique perspectives and ideas about how my mind works.
If you have not introduced self-help books into your life yet then you absolutely must. You begin to develop a relationship with the author and stop feeling so alone. This started that connection with me, just knowing that I wasn’t the only one and that others needed help with this stuff too.
So get down your local bookshop and start reading. I even wrote my own post on self-help books that changed my life, read it here.
You may just find that author that you feel is like a best friend by the end of the book. And often, these authors have other platforms they speak on and online communities you can be a part of.
Speaking of online communities, if you are going through a tough time or you feel like your interests are weird, I can promise you that there will be a community somewhere that are into the same things as you are or going through something similar to you. You just have to find them.
I started on YouTube. This is where I found people going into depth on the topics that I wanted to know about and talking about the same struggles that I had. This was in long form too so the messages had some depth to them, not just surface stuff like on Instagram.
Because of this I felt like I was building a relationship with the people I was watching. And just looking at the other comments below the videos showed me that there were even more people in the same boat as me.
Essentially it is just finding a community to get integrated into.
I know that it is easy to just consume what you are watching, reading or listening to but if you really want to create real connections then you need to contribute as well. So if you see a comment that resonates with you then reply. If you do this enough you will find someone that wants to start a conversation with you and before you know it you have a two-way connection with someone that is on the same level as you.
The biggest place for connection that is not surrounding a particular online personality are Facebook groups. I had not used Facebook properly for quite a while, until I found out about Facebook groups. Again no matter what it is, you will find one that will suit you and it will be filled with people that want to connect and want to find someone else that has similar interests or experiences.
All you have to do is go onto the search bar of Facebook and start searching some key words, or even your town name to see if there are local groups.
You also know that the people in the group are going to be open and happy to strike up conversations because they are in the group for the same reason you are.
So again, look to join some groups that would be helpful to your situation and get involved. And remember I have started my own Facebook group to build my own community of women on, find it here.
Find Your Online Mentors
I have a collection of what I call mentors that help me with different aspects of my life that I am working on. Now these are not mentors in the sense that I am paying someone to actually be my mentor but people that I follow on social media who uplift me and provide me with so much value.
My main mentors for self-love and personal development are Marissa Lace and Lori Harder.
Marissa Lace has a YouTube channel and is incredibly active on Instagram. She is a badass and so full of energy and provides the most beautiful affirmations and tips that I cannot get enough of.
Lori Harder is also on Instagram but I connect with her mostly through her Podcast - Earn Your Happy. I actually get tearful when I listen to some of her podcasts because she resonates with me so deeply.
Although, personal development is my main space at the moment I also have mentors in health and fitness, beauty and food too.
So who are your mentors? You need to become a fan of someone. There is no use you flitting between different online personalities when you can focus on one that you resonate with the most and really get deep with them, soak up all their content and find your tribe of women who also have the same ideals as you do.
Then eventually if you have the finances to be able to, you can invest in yourself and actually take up some true mentoring work. A lot of these online personalities will provide it themselves too.
Now this is one of my favourites. I think we underestimate the importance of connection with animals. I am a huge animal lover and don’t know what I would do without my two fluffy companions.
I think if you take the time to really appreciate your animals and spend time with them and pamper them to the fullest you will find that they can actually help you feel so much more connected than you could be with some humans!
Now if you don’t have any pets, thats ok. Is there a friend’s dog you can walk or a shelter you can help out at? There are always animals out there looking for another human to love.
Finally, always remember that you are enough. You should be your own best friend. Now I get it, it’s hard to love yourself, I have a hard time with that too. Only in the last year or so have I even liked myself but get to work on building that relationship with yourself.
Because the purest relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So take care of yourself, take yourself on dates and treat yourself because you are worth it.
Having that real, raw connection with yourself is going to be the most important relationship in your life.
So are you feeling more confident in finding that connection?