How To Cure Fear (Without Giving Up)
After reading Melissa Ambrosini’s book Mastering Your Mean Girl (buy it here.) I very much beleive that everything we do in life is through love or fear. Now I don’t want to get too deep into this so definitely read her book if you want to learn more on this concept. But it opened my eyes about how many things I do, or don’t do because of fear. My word of the year for 2019 is Brave and because of this I wanted to get deeper into how I am now looking at fear and the cure I have found for it.
No One is Fearless
I want to start by saying that no one is fearless. There is not one person in this world that is not scared by something. Even the bravest person you can think of has a fear of some sort.
The words to use instead would be brave or courageous. Because they are still feeling the fear. They have worried about it, they have lost sleep over it but the difference is that they have just gone for it anyway.
So stop feeling like you shouldn’t be scared in order to take action. Everyone is scared at first, the only difference is whether you are going to feel the fear, accept it but keep moving anyway or if you allow fear to hold you back.
So if no one is fearless what is the cure?
The cure is action.
If you are scared of speaking in front of a room full of people and you have a presentation coming up. You could be sat in your office shaking a little with sweaty hands, feeling all the fear and nervousness that would be expected.
But you’re not going to feel that way once the presentation is done. Once you step off that stage or sit down from the front of the classroom you are going to feel 100 times better. You will notice how different you feel from the walk to the front of the room to the walk back down.
So your fear of doing the presentation is no longer there. Therefore a cure!
If you backed out of that presentation and never took it, you would have let the fear win and that fear would only get worse. Because you haven’t allowed yourself to truely experience speaking in front of people and the fact that it wasn’t actually that bad.
Now I am not saying that you won’t get nervous again if you have to do another presentation down the line but it would have eased a bit knowing that you have done a bit more. And once again, the fear of the second presentation will be cured once you carry it out.
So stop spending your life being fearful and cure it through your action sooner rather than later. The longer you put something off the longer you are letting fear win. The sooner you take that action the sooner you will be cured.
What is the Worst That Can Happen?
But what if you feel like you just can’t take action?
The first thing you need to do is ask, what is the worst thing that can happen? Very often the worst thing isn’t going to you set you back but just leave you no further forward. So if you aren’t being sent backwards is it really that bad?
I was scared to launch my website here and when I thought, what is the worst thing that can happen? Well it could not be as successful as I hoped and I would close it down. I would then just be where I was in the beginning which isn’t life or death by any means.
When I put it this way it makes it seem a lot less scary and just something that I am trying out.
So what really is the worst thing that can happen and how likely really is that going to happen? Not likely at all. So just go forward knowing that it’s not going to get any worse, and anyway, if it doesnt go that well it’s all a learning experience and you can build from it for next time.
What is the Best That Can Happen?
You also need to ask yourself, what is the best thing that can happen? You need to remember why you are doing this.
I am building my website so that I can reach out to as many women as possible that have goals and want to better themselves, I want to be able to make this my full time income so I can focus solely on this and live the life I dream of every day.
The best thing that can happen is that I acheive this so why wouldn’t I keep working at it so I can one day hit this - because I know I will hit it.
Thinking about this then shifts your mindset from a negative one to a positive one. Once you start thinking of all of these positive outcomes of taking this scary action you will motivate yourself to want to do it and the fear will dissipate slightly.
Chip Away at The Fear
If you still feel like taking the plunge is too scary, can you break it down at all or take baby steps to conquering the fear?
For example, if you want to start losing weight by going to the gym, take the plunge and just get there. Even if you have to just use one machine the first time and only stay for 10 minutes, that has got over the initial fear of being in the gym.
Then each time you take one more step in the gym by spending more time, or using more machines you are chipping away at that fear until you are a fully fledged gym bunny.
Sometimes it isn’t about conquering the fear all at once but chipping away slowly and steadily until you feel like you are no longer scared at all.
So whether you have something coming up that scares you or you are finally working up the courage to take the first step towards your goals then apply this above to make you feel like you can achieve it.
What fear are you hoping to overcome this year?