We have all been through times in our lives where we have made bad decisions. Or sometimes things have happened completely out of our control but we still blame ourselves. I have carried these mistakes with me for so long over the years. But you know what? I am done with it. I am going to share with you ways to stop blaming yourself and finally be free to start truly working on your future and building a life with no regret.
So stop blaming yourself because:
1. It Taught You a Lesson
Every mistake or failure we go through teaches us something. We can learn from anything and everything that we do. Sometimes - ok, most of the time - it doesn't feel that way but if you really delve deep into the situation you will get an answer to a question you never even knew you needed to ask. So instead of blaming yourself for this mistake, start really thinking about what you learned from it and how you can take it forward in your life.
Once you start looking at it from this angle then you can focus on taking that lesson with you and growing from it. You will carry on making mistakes, but you will carry on learning. Just as long as you remember to look at it from more of a positive point of view then you can move on quicker. I like to think that it didn't happen to you, it happened for you. Just that small change of perception turns it around so always keep it in mind.
Will Smith recently uploaded an inspirational video where he said: "Fail Early, Fail Often, Fail Forward." This really stuck with me. At first, I thought, what is he on about? Why would you want to fail? But then when I heard the rest of his message - which you can find here - something clicked. Fail Forward - Every time we fall down instead of falling backward, we need to use that fall to propel us forward. As long as these mistakes cause you to move forward then they aren't really mistakes at all, just lessons.
2. You Are Human
We are all human. We all make mistakes. Remember this: It is normal to make mistakes. There is not one human on this planet that has never made a mistake. Everyone has had something happen to them that they feel they could have prevented. Even the people that your mistake may have affected have also been through something similar. It is unfair to get yourself down about something that is just a normal part of life.
I wouldn't be writing this if I thought that I was the only one making mistakes. We all do it and that's ok. We are not robots, sometimes we say things we don't mean or do things without thinking. Does that make us bad people? No. We are good people. And even the best people make bad choices sometimes. It's life. The sooner you accept that failure is what makes us human, those little mistakes will no longer absorb all of our energy and mental space.
3. You Need to Move On
If you want to continue with your life and just focus on building a future to be proud of you can't have these issues holding you back. You want to move on, don't you? You don't want to carry on feeling this guilt or shame. You need to do everything in your power to put this behind you and to reach your true you with nothing holding you back.
Think of a person that is totally at peace with themselves. They have finally got to the top of their game, they are living a fulfilled life and are confident and so comfortable in their skin. Do you think they ever made mistakes before? Of course, they did. But do you think they gripped that mistake and took it forward with them? No. They let it go and used it to better themselves and move on.
So let yourself wallow for a little, feel your emotions for a while. But at the end of the day shake it off and keep moving. Use the strength you know you have deep down to push yourself into an amazing future.
4. You Need to Treat Yourself Better
Start treating yourself right. There is no need to beat yourself up about it. You are the most important person in your life. If you are not looking after you, you cannot look after the people that you love. You must always put yourself first. And I know you know that. But why still do you talk to yourself like crap? Why do you constantly put yourself down and say nasty things about yourself?
You would never talk this way to your best friend but why do you continue to do it to yourself? There is nothing productive about treating yourself this way. If you were always putting your friend down or blaming them constantly for something that wasn't really their fault do you think they would stick around? Of course not, they would start to push you away and resent you. Well that is what you are doing yourself, but you can't just distance yourself from yourself, that's impossible. So you just keep putting yourself down constantly until you start to hate yourself. And I know that hating yourself is no way to live your life.
So just forgive yourself. Forgive yourself like you would forgive a friend. Give yourself kind words and look after your self like you would a family member. Once you start building yourself up again you can finally move on and seek happiness instead of being brought down by a past you cannot change.
I still practice all of these steps myself as feelings of guilt or shame can still crop up from time to time about my past. But I keep moving forward, doesn't matter how slow as long as I keep going. Do you have any other ways